Low Ding Zone has a language of their own. Well, it’s some number of terms, anyway. Here they are!

• Badges – We don’ need no steenkin’ bahdjes.
• Bass Boomwhackers - Boomwhackers that play notes in our “acceptable” range. Some of them can be created by putting caps called “Octavators” on one end of a normal Boomwhacker (note: if you put an Octavator on both ends, the Boomwhacker doesn’t work… except, perhaps, as a weapon). If you’re serious about having bass ‘whackers, then DIY is the answer; for instance, you can manufacture an A2 ‘whacker simply by playing a ten-foot-long piece of six-inch PVC pipe.
• Bell Plates – 1/4″ tuned slabs of brass made by Royal Eijsbouts in the Netherlands. The C3 equivalent weighs 27 pounds. Once the Eb3 got away from us and hit a linoleum-on-slab floor. Bell Plate: 1, Floor: 0 – there’s a two-inch notch where it hit. See, perhaps, Belleplates.
• Bell solo – A handbell piece played by one person, possibly with accompaniment. See real bell solo.
• Belleplates – Also known as “paint scrapers”. Not generally our thing, because they have no appreciable weight. See: Bell Plates
• Boomwhackers – plastic tubes that are tuned to pitches simply by cutting them to specific lengths. See Bass Boomwhackers.
• C2 – The only chime we play that has a piece written in its memory (“Funeral March” by Chopin, subtitled “Requiem for a C2 Chime”).
• Difficult – See impossible.
• Duplicates – Any toys we can get more of (that we want or need to play).
• Four-by-Six – See two-by-four.
• GBV – Acronym for “Gurlie Bell Version”. Refers to revising an LDZ score by raising the pitches, usually by an octave, to make it possible for “normal” ensembles to play. See Gurlie bells and Impressive but Unmarketable.
• Gurlie bells, gurlie chimes – For most people, anything at or above C4. The more precise definition is “anything that can be played as a secondary Shelley or 4iH bell/chime.” Inspired by television memories of a governor of Cah-lee-fohn-yah.
• Ham Quotient – The ability to act or, perhaps more properly, overact. Possibly corresponds to past elementary school personal history of “acting out.” As Julie pointed out, experience performing in Ham-let or Pyg-malion is a strong indicator of solid HQ. The higher your HQ is, the better suited you are for LDZ.
• High Ding Place – A not-quite-mythical handbell ensemble. When used as an epithet, a tease directed at all ringers playing gurlie bells.
• Hog – Commonly, and mistakenly, thought to be a motorcycle, this term is more properly descriptive of a true bass ringer. Depending on where you’re assigned at the bell tables, this can be a compliment or a species of invective.
• Ice Cream – A tradition at Low Ding Zone auditions. Also a necessary component of Low Ding Zone business meetings. Depending on circumstances, also the defining element of when rehearsal is over. Definition is allowed to extend past any practice time immediately following an LDZ rehearsal. See also: withdrawal.
• Impossible – Sez you. What other people think. See difficult.
• Impressive but Unmarketable – The standard by which the best LDZ pieces are judged. First said by Kevin McChesney of the original arrangement of Spiritual Boogie.
• Larry Mail, L-Mail – What Low Ding Zone members get when the Artistic Figurehead goes on an electronic bender. Requires really fast fingers and results in inboxes that look like Snoopy’s rejection slip collection. Required minimum size is approximately 1,000 words (per message).
• Move it or lose it buddy! – How Low Ding Zone initiated its performance career.
• Parallel Octaves – A necessary technique for playing rack chimes and sub-gurlie chimes simultaneously. Technique involves high agility and mallet-damping the rack chimes, and is more fun to watch if the rack isn’t close enough to the table.
• Rack chimes – See toys.
• Rapper’s Damp – Shtick usually applied at the end of a piece. As Doug Benton has proved, a suitable substitute is to hug a really large chime.
• Real bell solo – Better than a bell solo because bells and chimes above C5 are avoided. Some amount of cheating with respect to the range for the sake of musicality is tolerated, though C6 and higher are definitely taboo.
• Rick’s – The Palo Alto, CA establishment where LDZ traditionally buys ice cream.
• Sanity Quotient – A crude measure of mental fitness. The lower your SQ is, the better suited you are for LDZ.
• Schlep – An originally Yiddish term which is ubiquitous in handbell society, but which takes on an entirely new meaning when applied to Low Ding Zone equipment (see “toys”).
• Shelley – A generally-useful technique, particularly for making audiences gasp in bass solos. Generally preferred over four-in-hand because we’re crazy, but not stupid. Okay, “not that stupid.”
• Shoelace – Something for Wil to step on. In this case, not classified as part of shtick, or at least deliberately-intended shtick.
• Shtick – Something that just happens with Low Ding Zone. Includes sleeping through introductions, hand clapping, train whistles, eggs, avocados, and mallet throws.
• Smile – Something never to do while executing a Rapper’s Damp.
• Toys – Any bell or chime worth playing. If you can’t see it, it’s not big enough to be a toy. Conversely, if it’s worth schlepping, it’s a toy.
• Two-by-Four – Chimes between G2 and B2. Other chimes are similarly described, not counting any necessary nails or joists.
• Withdrawal – What happens when LDZers are deprived of ice cream for too long.